Talk to a Friend Guide (classroom)

You think a friend might be getting in over their head with a betting app, or a game with packs, or one of those casino-style mobile apps. You don't want to be weird about it. You also don't want to ignore it.

This is a script for that conversation. Not a clinical thing. Just a way to open the door.

Before you start

• Pick a private moment. Not in the group chat. Not in front of everyone. One-on-one. Walk, call, FaceTime — whatever feels normal for you two.
• Don't make it a Big Deal. You're not staging an intervention. You're checking in. Talk like you would about anything else.
• Have ONE specific thing you noticed. "I'm worried about you" is too vague — it's easy for them to brush off. "Hey, I noticed you've opened the FanDuel app every night this week" is harder to argue with because it's a thing you saw, not a label.

Open with curiosity, not a verdict

The opening line sets the whole vibe. You want them to talk, not get defensive.

Try one of these:

• "I noticed you've been on the app a lot lately. How's that going?"
• "I saw you posted the win last weekend, congrats — how did the rest of the week go?"
• "You've been quiet about money stuff. Everything good?"
• "You bailed on us Friday because of the slate — that made me want to check in."

Then let them answer. Don't fill the silence. People sometimes need a few seconds to decide whether to be real with you. If you rush, you signal that you'd rather move on than actually hear it.

Signals to listen for

Don't quiz them. Just listen for any of these. Even one is enough to keep the conversation going.

• Chasing language. "We're due." "I'm down but the next one'll hit." "I just need one good night to get back to even." This is the #1 warning sign — it's literally the diagnostic criterion for problem gambling.
• Hiding it. Vague answers about how much or how often. Defensive about where the money's coming from. Asks you not to tell parents or your friend group.
• Borrowing money. "Can I get you back next week?" "I'll pay you Friday I swear." Maxed cards. Not paying for stuff they normally would.
• Mood tied to results. Big mood after a win. Withdrawn or angry after a loss. Their energy tracks the bets.
• Bailing on things they love. Missing practice, skipping hangouts, dropping a hobby — because the game/bet is eating their time, money, or attention.
• Live betting nonstop. Phone glued to their hand during games. Tiny bets across every market. Live in-play is the most addictive format because the loops are so fast.

If they open up

Your job is NOT to fix it. Your job is to make them feel heard and give them ONE next step.

Stuff to say:

• "That sounds like a lot to be carrying."
• "I'm glad you told me. That took something."
• "I'm not trying to talk you out of anything. Just want to make sure you're good."
• "Maybe set a limit before next time? Tell me what it is so I can check in?"
• "If you want to talk to someone outside of us — there's a free hotline. 1-800-GAMBLER. It's anonymous."

Keep it short. You're not giving a TED talk. You're leaving a door open.

If they say "I'm fine"

This is the most common outcome the first time. It doesn't mean you failed.

• "Cool. Just figured I'd ask."
• "If it ever does get to be a lot, I'm here. No judgment."
• Then drop it. Bring it up again later if the behavior keeps going.

What NOT to do:

• Argue with them. They won't be convinced in one conversation.
• Threaten to tell their parents on a first conversation (unless it's a real safety issue).
• Pretend you didn't ask. They heard you. THAT is what they'll remember.

If they ask to borrow money

This one's important.

The answer is no. Even if you have it. Even if you trust them.

How to say it:

• "I can't lend you money for this. Not because I don't trust you — because lending into a hole doesn't help you climb out."
• "If you need help eating this week, I'll help with food directly. Not gonna put money in the app."
• "I'll sit with you and figure out what you owe — but I'm not bankrolling the next bet."

Refusing isn't betrayal. Lending is one of the most reliable ways to make this worse.

If the loss is already big

If they've already lost more than they can handle and they're freaking out, the vibe shifts. This isn't a check-in anymore.

• Stay calm. Their panic doesn't need your panic.
• Stop the bleeding first. Help them log out, uninstall the app, and remove the saved payment method. This single move prevents the next chase bet, which is usually the bigger of the two losses.
• Get an adult involved. A parent, a counselor, a teacher you trust, or the helpline. Your friend may not want this. That's not by itself a reason to skip it.
• If they're talking about hurting themselves, or someone they owe is threatening them — escalate immediately. Get a trusted adult and call 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline) if needed.

Stuff to avoid

• Lecturing. "You have a problem" lands as a verdict. Even if true, the verdict almost never changes behavior.
• Telling other people. Don't post about it in your group chat. Don't share what they told you. That kills the trust you'll need for the next conversation.
• Promising secrecy you can't keep. "I won't tell anyone" is a bad promise if there's a chance you'll have to escalate to keep them safe.
• Making it about you. "I'd never do that" or "I'm so worried I can't sleep" makes it about your feelings. Save that for someone who isn't them.

When to escalate beyond a friend conversation

Get a trusted adult or professional involved if any of these come up:

• Talk of self-harm or suicide
• Money owed to people who are threatening them
• Can't stop even after multiple tries, especially when they admit they want to
• Lying about gambling in ways that are wrecking relationships or school/work

Resources to hand them or to call yourself:

• National Problem Gambling Helpline. 1-800-GAMBLER. Free, anonymous, 24/7. Text and chat at ncpgambling.org.
• Crisis & Suicide Lifeline. 988. Free, 24/7. Web at 988lifeline.org.
• Gamblers Anonymous. Peer support meetings (in person + online). gamblersanonymous.org.
• Birches Health. bircheshealth.com. Specializes in gambling telehealth.

You don't have to solve any of this yourself. The biggest thing you can do is open the door and point at the next step.

One last note

If you're reading this and worried about YOURSELF, not a friend — same resources apply. The helpline at the top of this list will take your call. You don't have to be in crisis to use it.